Sunday, January 13, 2008

I couldn't do it...

Last night we tried the Ferber method with Sami. I just couldn't do it. I tried. I tried REALLY hard. But in the end, she was crying, I was crying, my head hurt, my stomach hurt and I felt like I was dying inside, lol...but really I did. It felt like I was crushing her spirit, and mine as well. Her screaming and crying and coughing only made me want to hold her more and more and nurse her and keep her close.

I'm so on the fence with this method. I do believe in it...especially at her age, but damn it's hard!
She woke up at 3am, which means she slept for 7 hours straight, which I think is great! She cried for an hour!!! Me going into try and comfort her only made her more upset, and in turn made me more upset. As soon as I stepped out of her room I broke down. I couldn't stand to see her like that, and not help her. I knew what she needed, she knew that I knew, so why wouldn't I just help her? OMG it was breaking my heart!

I know she was fine, there were a few breaks in the screaming where she would drift off for a few minutes but then it would start up again. I felt like my head and heart were going to explode so I gave in.

Not sure what's best at this point. I'm convinced that she truly was just hungry...hell, Ian and I were both laying in bed with our stomachs growling too, lol. So I got up, nursed her, held her tight, changed her and nursed her on the other side. She was still awake when I put her back down, so it's not like I nurse her back to sleep...that's good right? LOL
She always puts herself to sleep, I 98% of the time put her in her crib when she is awake, looking at me and alert. So that has to count for something....right? Help me justify this people, lol.

So now here we are 9am and she's still sleeping!!!!! She was only up the one time (be it for an hour and screaming the whole time, but hey who's counting).