Decisions

God Parents and Guardians. Do these have to be one in the same?

To me a God Parent is one who provides guidance in the child's life, who is there for them when they need advice, help...anything really.
The guardian is that person whom you have chosen to care for and raise your child in your absence.

The problem I'm having, is that I think many people believe that God Parent means that they are also guardian. So do I explain it all when I ask them? Like, You will be the God Parent but so and so will be the one in the will? Or the one to take the kids if something happens to us?

Ugh, the whole issue is just weird and awkward for me. I need advice myself!

Either way I need to get my rear in gear and get this all sorted out and get my kids in church! I want this for them and I need to just bit the bullet and do it!

Sami-isms

After hitting the water button on the refrigerator...
S: "Uuugh, look!"
M: "What happened? Did you press the water button?"
S: "Yeah, it surprised me! It surprised water all over my arm!"

Upon seeing her new kitchen set for the first time.
S: "Look at that Mama! It's Fabulous!"

Playing with the flashlight
S: "Hey, hey, come back here you! Come back!" (Talking to the actual light shining out of the flashlight as she shined it all over the room)

Talking to her sister.
S: "It's ok little fella. Ok, ok, come on, come on, you can do it. Don't be scared little fella. Ok, little fella, you're ok."

After going potty..
S: "Ugh! I can't do it Mama!" (Trying to pull up her pants)
M: "Do you need help?"
S: "Yeah, ok. But don't look Mama! Don't look at my poopy!!!"
After helping her with her pants and leaving the room, she comes running out...
S: "Wanna see it Mama!?? Wanna see my poops? Are you very excited Mama?? Come look!"

Upon trying to help her do ANYTHING!
S: "No, I do it allll my seeelllf!"

When we get to a store parking lot.
S: "What's this house Mama?" (If we're at Lowes she tells me it's a castle)
S: "I do a BIG Girl waalllk!" (Meaning she does not want to go in the cart.)

When she can't reach something..
S: "Please Mommy, can you get it? My arms are too little for that."

And best of all...her bed time prayer:
"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. May angels watch me through the night, and wake me in the morning feeling like P-Ditty."

“I want to win the Get It Together Kit & a seat to Love Affair Workshop. GO read the details and register! http://www.loveaffairworkshop.com”

Deception

About a month ago I started selling all Jilli's baby stuff on craigslist. Things like, her swing and infant gym, exersaucer, boppy seat, a whole bunch of stuff. I didn't list everything at once. I listed the bigger things first and one person was emailing me on just about everything. The first time I met her to drop off the things she bought she mentioned that it was for her sister, "she needs all the help she can get." It was a little hard getting rid of the baby stuff and knowing that it no longer had a place in our home. It was all well used by Sami, my niece Oli (for a few weeks) and then Jilli. Each piece had memories of when they were tiny and left imprints on my heart, but still it had to go. It was all in very good shape and I wasn't looking to make a ton of money on it so I sold it really cheap hoping it would go to someone in need and they would be please with what great deal they got. I felt that all come together when she mentioned that she was buying it for her sister who needed help.
I listed a few more things and the same woman emailed me wanting them again and bargaining for a little bit lower price. I didn't mind, I mean after all, it was going to someone who needed it and again I felt good giving it, I even threw in a TON of stuff for her new "niece" and asked for nothing in return. Again, I felt great and was happy it was going to someone who needed it.
Yesterday, I get an email from the same lady again. She had been interested in or travel system, we had talked about it a few times and she had said she would think about it, no problem. So she asked if it was still available. I replied and told her it was.
Today, I get an email from her saying that she is opening a children's consignment shop in August and was wondering if I wanted to consign it to her and I would get 60% of what she sells it for and anything else I wanted to sell she would do 50/50.
My jaw literally dropped when I read this! I felt almost heart broken. Here I thought all this stuff was going to someone in need and I just kept piling more and more into my car to give her for free because I felt that "her sister" needed it and I was really helping them out. Now it is quite obvious that there was no sister at all and that she was buying it all to start her own business. I feel hurt and deceived.
I think I'll bring the travel system to a local charity and really give it to someone in need so they can enjoy it and be blessed as we were...not deceived.
While I realize that someone will still buy these things in her shop and get a decent deal on them, I just wish she hadn't lied to me, it's not like I asked her who it was for, she went out of her way to tell me it was for "her sister!"

One Year ago

I looked like this :)

We were blessed with an amazing little girl that not only filled our hearts with joy, but completed our family. She has filled our home and our hearts and we are grateful everyday for her. The year has passed all too quickly and my baby is now entering toddlerhood. On the brink of walking, forming words, and communicating with us. Everyday is an adventure. It is amazing to watch her learn and catch on so quickly. She studies everything and watches and takes it all in, learning and exploring more everyday. Her words right now can only be deciphered by me ;) but they are getting clearer and clearer everyday. (Thank you, Please, Bink, Baba, Mama, Dada, Duckie and quack quack) She now nods her head when you ask her questions, yes or no, and is dancing and climbing and trying everyday to keep up with her big sister and do all that she does. We love you Jilli-Bean, thank you for blessing us with your loving, beautiful, joyful personality, each and everyday.

Time for a Change.

I've been feeling more and more like I want to come back to this blog. I need to come back to this blog.
Maybe it's the fact that Jillian is turning one and I feel like it's flown by and I've missed so much. I haven't recorded it like it should have been. There is an immense amount of guilt in that. I feel guilty everyday as her mother, knowing that I am not the same Mom to her that I was to Sam. It's difficult. It's hard to forgive yourself and make the most of what is. I keep reminding myself that different, isn't necessarily worse....right? Right? Please tell me I'm right. I need to hear that I'm right!
I'm not able to devote the time with her like I was with Sami. Sami was my whole world. Everything. My only worries and concerns. Jillian has to share all that. But at the same time she benefits from the love and learning she gets from being with her big sister everyday, and learning things far beyond her skill level, much sooner than necessary.

I don't really know what shape this blog will take on for me now. I have no expectations. No "themes" so to speak. I just know that blogging is therapeutic at times and I often have more to write than a facebook status update can contain. So I think I'll be back. Maybe here...maybe someplace new, I haven't decided that yet either, but which ever way I go...it is time for a change.

Balance

Perhaps the hardest thing for me is finding balance. As a mother, as a wife, as a farmer, as a home owner...just over all. I really, really, really need to get us on a schedule and a routine. The problem is...we're just not routine kind of people. We're very spur of the moment, go with the flow, take things one day at a time kind of people.
Right now...it's just not working. I am also a severe procrastinator and I get in these ruts where it is just debilitating. I constantly feel like I have a million things to do and I am just wasting the day away.
I am struggling with potty training Sami. Jillian is ALL over the place and pulling up, trying to cruise and falling, bumping, banging into everything! I HATE the crawling stage. It was rough with Sami, and I didn't really realize how much I hate it until Jillian started. Oh how I wish my girls were those kids that just go right to walking, lol. Crawling just grosses me out, their little hands all over the floor and then constantly in their mouths. Plus, add the fact that we have a dog, and Ewwww! It's disgusting. Now, the fact that Sami is constantly running to the bathroom, per potty training, and I am going with her and Jilli is trailing behind us, Grrr.

I truly CAN. NOT. WAIT until summer! But that means we have to get through spring, which I also loathe, lol. Mud, rain, dirt..no thanks! I think I need to move somewhere where there is no season change. Winter and Spring just are not for me. I love Summer and Fall though, I could totally take that year round!

Updates

Life is so crazy with 2! I feel like we don't have a moment of rest in this house. But life is good, we take it all in stride and make the best of every situation...not to say that I haven't completely lost my mind in dealing with these terrible two's, but it is what it is and we seal with it one day at a time and do the best we can.

Jillian is 7 months now. She's crawling all over! She started crawling the night before Thanksgiving. She was in the living room with Ian and I came down to get her and put her to bed and she crawled a few paces over to me. Ian looked up and was like "Did you see that!!!" LOL.
Ever since she's been non stop and is fast now! Really fast! lol. She loves to crawl under everything she can. We have some nesting/side tables that she has claimed as her fort, lol. And she loves to crawl under her high chair and sit. The dog food...oh, the dog food! She thinks it's funny to try and steal the dog food. She will stop when I tell her no, turn around and look at me and smile/laugh then go right back to the dog food!
Jilli is eating solids now, anything and everything she can get her hands on. She still has no teeth so I am cutting everything up into tiny tiny pieces and she gums them away! lol. She loves Cheerios, and has had spaghetti, turkey, sweet potatoes, peas, carrots, chicken, and I think she's even had broccoli. She doesn't really want anything to do with the baby food any more, she wants what ever we are eating and she wants to do it herself!
We have almost completely weaned this month :( I had a pretty severe case of Mastitis and the doctor ordered me to stop nursing her and I could pump if I wanted, but he did not want her to nurse. Luckily it was only on one side, so I could still nurse on the good side. Jilli refused to take a bottle so it was a pretty rough few weeks during the Mastitis. Finally I bought her a Nuk bottle, since she was taking those pacifiers and she took it! I don't know if it was the bottle, or if she was just finally giving in, because now she will take any bottle.
We're still fighting the reflux and spitting up everyday :(

Sami is just growing like crazy, and keeping us on our toes. She fell and broke her leg in October. We still have no idea how it happened. She was standing in the living room at the coffee table and just fell. Dropped to the ground and started screaming that her leg hurt.
The cast is off now and she is healing well.

I'll have to finish this later because Jilli is up....did I mention she still doesn't sleep through the night and is up every 1,2,3 hours! UGH!!!!!!

Let the giggles begin!

Finally! Jillian is starting to laugh! Sami laughed a lot earlier and a lot more often. I can remember that. A babies laughs are the best thing in this world! Jilli smiles all the time and she's forced a giggle or two out before, but the last few days they are a little easier to get out of her and it brightens my day for sure!
She's really enjoying her one on one time. I try and put the girls down around the same time to nap so that I can get a little break and get the house cleaned up a bit, or feed the farm, or do laundry, dishes...whatever. But lately Jilli has caught on that if Sami is sleeping, she will get ALL the attention! And she's LOVING it! LOL I have to admit, I'm loving it too. Jilli gets a lot of attention all day long, but it's usually unwanted attention from her sister, lol. Or Sami jumps in her face the moment I try and play with her or talk to her. She's Sami's baby!! Apparently Samantha doesn't understand that being mere centimeters from her face is probably not that enjoyable for Jillian, hahaha. I am constantly telling her to back up and give her space. The poor girl needs to breathe!
So anyway, Jilli and I love our Mommy and Me time with just the two of us, but then once Sami's up she gives her the BIGGEST smiles in the whole world, seriously I don't know how she makes her smile that big, but she does it, and only for her sister, who she adores!

Where to start....

The problem with leaving the blog world is that it truly miss it when I'm gone. Then the days, weeks, months go by and suddenly I feel so far behind that I don't even know how to start a blog post :( So much has happened. So much is changing everyday. There is so much to tell that will likely never be told. No one even comes here anymore. I keep making empty promises that I will be back to update more regularly, but that never happens. So I guess let's just start with today and maybe memories and stories will pop into the mix along the way.

We have been enjoying a great weekend with the family. It seems Ian is gone for work most of the time these days. It's so hard to get caught up and it's sad having him gone. Yesterday we went to one of Scott's track meets and it was GREAT! He's awesome! I can not believe that he is running track now. If someone had told me a year ago that Scott would be running, I would have told them they were nuts! He now runs all the time! And not like a little jog down the road and back...like a 6 mile RUN!! He's really good too. He has changed so much in the last year. Going from a boy to a young man. He did great on his race he came in at 21.01 and it was just over 3 miles. He ran with Varsity yesterday which is a major accomplishment, especially since it was only his 3rd race and he's been moved up. We're so proud of him!

Sami and I are struggling through the terrible 2's. She is very temperamental and just down right naughty at times. The good times are so great, but the bad times are real bad. All in all, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love all the new things she says and does every day. I love how she can help with things and I love how she is learning so much so quickly. She is incredibly smart and so quick to catch on to things. She truly is a sponge taking in everything! I can tell she's going to have another language explosion soon because she is repeating everything we say again. She seems to do this in phases and then reaches a new level in her speech and language abilities.
Sami is a singer. She sings all day every day. She loves music. I can't believe how quick she picks up new songs and will begin singing them over and over again. Lately we've been working on her name. She can spell her first name, and she's learning that we all have the same last name. It's really cute.

Our little Jilli Bean is growing way too fast. It's sad really. I can't slow down the time and it's killing me. I don't want her to grow too fast, but at the same time I can't wait to truly see her personality. I mean, life with Sami at 2 is so hard, but it's so amazing to have conversations with her and be able to communicate. Jilli loves to smile. She adores her sister and thinks that she is the best thing in the world! We song a good morning song every morning when we wake up (Sami really does the singing, I am more like moaning "God why don't you children sleep!") and Jilli smiles so big it must hurt! She doesn't even have her eyes open all the way, but she hears Sami's voice and she is just filled with joy! It's just a true blessing everyday to see the two of them together, I hope and pray everyday that this bond remains strong and they are always so loving and close with each other.
Jillian has just recently started finally sleeping in her crib. She has reflux and has been sleeping in the swing to try and keep her elevated at night. She's starting to get too big for that and seemed way too uncomfortable in it. She was too restricted and couldn't roll or stretch and I think that was waking her. She still doesn't sleep through the night :( But Sami didn't sleep through the night until she was 10-11 months old, so I'm in for the long haul.
Along with the reflux, Jilli was diagnosed with what her GI (Gastro doc) specialist thought was Laryngomalacia. She breathes funny. She has since she was born. She makes a noise when she breaths that sounds like she is grunting a little, or that she needs to cough or clear her throat. So the GI says it's Laryngomalacia, I googled and you tubed and it seems like what she has. The videos and sound bites I've watched and listened to sound just like her. However, she has been to the ENT (Ear, nose and Throat Doc) twice and each time he did a scope and he insists that she does NOT have Laryngomalacia and that the noise is due solely to the reflux and secretions that are coming up and she's gurgling them and that's making the noise.
It sucks either way. I feel like it's more than just the reflux, but it has gotten better since she's been born and both doctors say that it's something she will most likely grow out of either way, reflux and Laryngomalacia. The ENT would be able to see a Laryngomalacia with the scopes that he did and he did not see it. She does have narrow vocal cords though...whatever that means. All I know is that she sometimes breathes funny. She's had overnight oximeter tests to check her O2 levels and everything checks out fine. She's growing fine and she's happy. So for now we will continue with the reflux meds and just continue to monitor her and see how it goes. She will not be going back to ENT unless she gets worse or has some new issue. It doesn't make sense to subject her to the scope again if there is nothing there for them to see.

So that sums up a little of what we've been up to lately.
Sami's still not potty trained. We've stopped it all together mostly, until she seems ready again.
Jilli is still breastfeeding and has started stage 2 foods. She LOVES bananas, and hates cereal of any kind, and formula.

Ok, I need to get to bed now. I hope to be back soon.

How did this happen?

The one thing I've learned about being a parent, is that time suddenly goes way too fast and no matter what you do there is no way to slow it down. I can not believe how fast the kids are growing, it's sad that these moments go by so quickly. I promise to do my best to hold on to each and every one of them.

Concentration

Cutie

Look at that strength! At 2 months!!

I had turned my back for one minute, came back and was busy opening the mail when I looked up and found this!

All I wanted to do was scream! But I grabbed the camera instead and captured one of those OMG moments. There were Spagettios EVERYWHERE!! She dumped them on Patches head too. Poor dog. I was freaking out trying to get patch to sit still, I was so afraid that she was going to go to the carpet and roll all over and there would be spagettios embedded in the carpet!

Jillian's beatiful eyes

Me, Sami, and her Nanny at the lake

Sami and Nanny (Ian's Mom)

Scott feeding the seagulls

Jillian's room. Eventually, I think that we are going to have the girls share a room, so this will be "the girls room"

This is what I get when I try to take a picture of him, lol.

Aww, her love bug!

Ian and Jillian. They are SO cute!

Happy girl

Sami and Jilli playing with the dollies

Jilli is terrified of Sam, lol

But they love each other SOOO much!

Sisters

This is her freezing face, lol. She shakes like she is really freezing and tenses up.

This is her Hot face, lol

Chew chew chew, she loves those fingers!

My Girls