Wednesday, November 12, 2008

How I feel

I'm outta here!

Her expressions totally visualize my feelings today! Still fighting this cold. Just miserable and struggling through the day. Why has my beautiful, perfect little girl become this toddler that has turned on me? How can she be so sweet and helpful one moment and then the exact opposite the very next moment? This is such a difficult age and I'm getting more and more scared about bringing a new baby into this trying time with a toddler. Life is so frustrating as a toddler, and as a mother of a toddler, lol. Some how in the past month Sami has become deaf to the tone of my voice...the sound of my voice...anything that comes out of my mouth really. She doesn't listen to me, but not only does she not listen, it's as though I don't even exist. I'm not really here speaking these words. In her world there is no Mama's voice. Louder, more stern, abrupt, softer, quiet, whispers...none of it works. The child totally blocks me out! UGH!!!
This is our real struggle right now. She's growing too fast and wanting to be so independent. Time outs are not working. She'll do her time. She'll apologize and give kisses. Then she'll go right back 5 minutes later and we start all over.
Our nights have been exhausting. We get home, unload (diaper bag, coats, shoes, purse, lunch bag, dog, baby girl) I start dinner and Sami heads off to the playroom. She embraces her toys, all of whom she longingly missed all day, and all seems right with the world. Once dinners ready it's a whole other night. Dinner is a fight. She wants to do it her self, she's frustrated when she can't. She wants to feed the dog. She will throw food on the floor, for no reason, then ask for more. She's refusing to eat any vegetable other than carrots. All meats are questionable, other than chicken or fish. One or two real bites and she's over the whole dinner time deal. She drops her fork, pushes her food onto the floor and then the plate. Oh, how I long for a meal where I don't have to say the words "no!" and "we don't throw food" and "Patches has her own food, that is Sami's food"
From there the night usually proceeds in the same tone dinner left us in. Don't climb the stairs, don't hit the dog, watch where you're going, you can't jump off the couch, don't throw toys...yada yada yada. Then it's bath time....ahhhhhh. For the most part this is always fun time for both of us, with the exception of the occasional out of control splashing and the fact that she believes the bathtub is secretly an amazing water slide, which results in her slipping and sliding all over the place. After the bath it's round 3 and we fight to get her dryed, diapered, lotioned, and dressed. Then we brush the teeth (she's pretty good there, only fight maybe once a week on this, lol) and of course the hair, she can't go to bed with out brushing her hair. We grab the blankey and head to her room. I turn on the waterfall light show, she leans in and kisses me goodnight..........and my heart melts..... and all is forgotten with the day.
Tomorrow we start again, 6:30am.

It's amazing how that one little kiss at the end of the day can remind you of all the amazing, remarkable things she's done throughout the night that I was able to witness and be a part of and share with her. The smiles, the laughs, the amazement in her eyes when she looks to you because she's discovered something new. I'll cherish it all...always.
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