Decisions

God Parents and Guardians. Do these have to be one in the same?

To me a God Parent is one who provides guidance in the child's life, who is there for them when they need advice, help...anything really.
The guardian is that person whom you have chosen to care for and raise your child in your absence.

The problem I'm having, is that I think many people believe that God Parent means that they are also guardian. So do I explain it all when I ask them? Like, You will be the God Parent but so and so will be the one in the will? Or the one to take the kids if something happens to us?

Ugh, the whole issue is just weird and awkward for me. I need advice myself!

Either way I need to get my rear in gear and get this all sorted out and get my kids in church! I want this for them and I need to just bit the bullet and do it!

Sami-isms

After hitting the water button on the refrigerator...
S: "Uuugh, look!"
M: "What happened? Did you press the water button?"
S: "Yeah, it surprised me! It surprised water all over my arm!"

Upon seeing her new kitchen set for the first time.
S: "Look at that Mama! It's Fabulous!"

Playing with the flashlight
S: "Hey, hey, come back here you! Come back!" (Talking to the actual light shining out of the flashlight as she shined it all over the room)

Talking to her sister.
S: "It's ok little fella. Ok, ok, come on, come on, you can do it. Don't be scared little fella. Ok, little fella, you're ok."

After going potty..
S: "Ugh! I can't do it Mama!" (Trying to pull up her pants)
M: "Do you need help?"
S: "Yeah, ok. But don't look Mama! Don't look at my poopy!!!"
After helping her with her pants and leaving the room, she comes running out...
S: "Wanna see it Mama!?? Wanna see my poops? Are you very excited Mama?? Come look!"

Upon trying to help her do ANYTHING!
S: "No, I do it allll my seeelllf!"

When we get to a store parking lot.
S: "What's this house Mama?" (If we're at Lowes she tells me it's a castle)
S: "I do a BIG Girl waalllk!" (Meaning she does not want to go in the cart.)

When she can't reach something..
S: "Please Mommy, can you get it? My arms are too little for that."

And best of all...her bed time prayer:
"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. May angels watch me through the night, and wake me in the morning feeling like P-Ditty."

“I want to win the Get It Together Kit & a seat to Love Affair Workshop. GO read the details and register! http://www.loveaffairworkshop.com”

Deception

About a month ago I started selling all Jilli's baby stuff on craigslist. Things like, her swing and infant gym, exersaucer, boppy seat, a whole bunch of stuff. I didn't list everything at once. I listed the bigger things first and one person was emailing me on just about everything. The first time I met her to drop off the things she bought she mentioned that it was for her sister, "she needs all the help she can get." It was a little hard getting rid of the baby stuff and knowing that it no longer had a place in our home. It was all well used by Sami, my niece Oli (for a few weeks) and then Jilli. Each piece had memories of when they were tiny and left imprints on my heart, but still it had to go. It was all in very good shape and I wasn't looking to make a ton of money on it so I sold it really cheap hoping it would go to someone in need and they would be please with what great deal they got. I felt that all come together when she mentioned that she was buying it for her sister who needed help.
I listed a few more things and the same woman emailed me wanting them again and bargaining for a little bit lower price. I didn't mind, I mean after all, it was going to someone who needed it and again I felt good giving it, I even threw in a TON of stuff for her new "niece" and asked for nothing in return. Again, I felt great and was happy it was going to someone who needed it.
Yesterday, I get an email from the same lady again. She had been interested in or travel system, we had talked about it a few times and she had said she would think about it, no problem. So she asked if it was still available. I replied and told her it was.
Today, I get an email from her saying that she is opening a children's consignment shop in August and was wondering if I wanted to consign it to her and I would get 60% of what she sells it for and anything else I wanted to sell she would do 50/50.
My jaw literally dropped when I read this! I felt almost heart broken. Here I thought all this stuff was going to someone in need and I just kept piling more and more into my car to give her for free because I felt that "her sister" needed it and I was really helping them out. Now it is quite obvious that there was no sister at all and that she was buying it all to start her own business. I feel hurt and deceived.
I think I'll bring the travel system to a local charity and really give it to someone in need so they can enjoy it and be blessed as we were...not deceived.
While I realize that someone will still buy these things in her shop and get a decent deal on them, I just wish she hadn't lied to me, it's not like I asked her who it was for, she went out of her way to tell me it was for "her sister!"

One Year ago

I looked like this :)

We were blessed with an amazing little girl that not only filled our hearts with joy, but completed our family. She has filled our home and our hearts and we are grateful everyday for her. The year has passed all too quickly and my baby is now entering toddlerhood. On the brink of walking, forming words, and communicating with us. Everyday is an adventure. It is amazing to watch her learn and catch on so quickly. She studies everything and watches and takes it all in, learning and exploring more everyday. Her words right now can only be deciphered by me ;) but they are getting clearer and clearer everyday. (Thank you, Please, Bink, Baba, Mama, Dada, Duckie and quack quack) She now nods her head when you ask her questions, yes or no, and is dancing and climbing and trying everyday to keep up with her big sister and do all that she does. We love you Jilli-Bean, thank you for blessing us with your loving, beautiful, joyful personality, each and everyday.

Time for a Change.

I've been feeling more and more like I want to come back to this blog. I need to come back to this blog.
Maybe it's the fact that Jillian is turning one and I feel like it's flown by and I've missed so much. I haven't recorded it like it should have been. There is an immense amount of guilt in that. I feel guilty everyday as her mother, knowing that I am not the same Mom to her that I was to Sam. It's difficult. It's hard to forgive yourself and make the most of what is. I keep reminding myself that different, isn't necessarily worse....right? Right? Please tell me I'm right. I need to hear that I'm right!
I'm not able to devote the time with her like I was with Sami. Sami was my whole world. Everything. My only worries and concerns. Jillian has to share all that. But at the same time she benefits from the love and learning she gets from being with her big sister everyday, and learning things far beyond her skill level, much sooner than necessary.

I don't really know what shape this blog will take on for me now. I have no expectations. No "themes" so to speak. I just know that blogging is therapeutic at times and I often have more to write than a facebook status update can contain. So I think I'll be back. Maybe here...maybe someplace new, I haven't decided that yet either, but which ever way I go...it is time for a change.

Balance

Perhaps the hardest thing for me is finding balance. As a mother, as a wife, as a farmer, as a home owner...just over all. I really, really, really need to get us on a schedule and a routine. The problem is...we're just not routine kind of people. We're very spur of the moment, go with the flow, take things one day at a time kind of people.
Right now...it's just not working. I am also a severe procrastinator and I get in these ruts where it is just debilitating. I constantly feel like I have a million things to do and I am just wasting the day away.
I am struggling with potty training Sami. Jillian is ALL over the place and pulling up, trying to cruise and falling, bumping, banging into everything! I HATE the crawling stage. It was rough with Sami, and I didn't really realize how much I hate it until Jillian started. Oh how I wish my girls were those kids that just go right to walking, lol. Crawling just grosses me out, their little hands all over the floor and then constantly in their mouths. Plus, add the fact that we have a dog, and Ewwww! It's disgusting. Now, the fact that Sami is constantly running to the bathroom, per potty training, and I am going with her and Jilli is trailing behind us, Grrr.

I truly CAN. NOT. WAIT until summer! But that means we have to get through spring, which I also loathe, lol. Mud, rain, dirt..no thanks! I think I need to move somewhere where there is no season change. Winter and Spring just are not for me. I love Summer and Fall though, I could totally take that year round!